Get over borderline girlfriend
Borderline personal disorder BPD relationships are often chaotic, intense, and conflict-laden, and this can be especially true for romantic BPD relationships. If you are considering starting a relationship with someone with BPD, or are in one now, you need to educate yourself about the disorder and what to expect. Likewise, if you have been diagnosed with BPD, it can be helpful to think about how your symptoms have affected your dating life and romantic relationships. In essence, people with BPD are often terrified that others will leave them. However, they can also shift suddenly to feeling smothered and fearful of intimacy, which leads them to withdraw from relationships.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Why doesn't my BPD ex love me anymore?
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Things You Need to Know After a Breakup with someone with BPDContent:
- Surviving a Break-up when Your Partner has Borderline Personality
- Helping Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
- How to Cope When a Partner or Spouse Has Borderline Personality Disorder
- Romantic Relationships Involving People With BPD
- What You Need to Know When Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder
Surviving a Break-up when Your Partner has Borderline Personality
Borderline personal disorder BPD relationships are often chaotic, intense, and conflict-laden, and this can be especially true for romantic BPD relationships. If you are considering starting a relationship with someone with BPD, or are in one now, you need to educate yourself about the disorder and what to expect. Likewise, if you have been diagnosed with BPD, it can be helpful to think about how your symptoms have affected your dating life and romantic relationships.
In essence, people with BPD are often terrified that others will leave them. However, they can also shift suddenly to feeling smothered and fearful of intimacy, which leads them to withdraw from relationships. The result is a constant back-and-forth between demands for love or attention and sudden withdrawal or isolation.
Another BPD symptom that particularly impacts relationships is called abandonment sensitivity. The emotions may result in frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, such as pleading, public scenes, and even physically preventing the other person from leaving. Another common complaint of loved ones in borderline relationships is lying. For example, if a loved one with BPD is engaging in impulsive behaviors like going on spending sprees, it can cause major stress within the family.
In addition, suicidal gestures can be scary for romantic partners and can introduce lots of stress into the relationship. If you or your partner are having suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database. Research has confirmed that people with BPD tend to have very stormy romantic relationships characterized by a great deal of tumult and dysfunction.
In addition, research has also shown that BPD symptoms are associated with a greater number of romantic relationships over time, and a higher incidence of unplanned pregnancies in women. This suggests that romantic relationships with people with BPD are more likely to end in a breakup.
Given all the difficulties that exist in BPD relationships, why would anyone start a relationship with someone with the disorder? Often they have many positive qualities that can make them great romantic partners some of the time. Furthermore, many people who have been in a romantic relationship with someone with BPD talk about how fun, exciting, and passionate a BPD partner can be. Many people are drawn to a BPD partner precisely because people with BPD have intense emotions and a strong desire for intimacy.
Most BPD relationships go through a honeymoon period. This honeymoon period can be very exciting for the new partner too. Problems start to arise, however, when reality sets in. When a person with BPD realizes that her new partner is not faultless, that image of the perfect idealized soul mate can come crashing down. Because people with BPD struggle with dichotomous thinking , or seeing things only in black and white, they can have trouble recognizing the fact that most people make mistakes even when they mean well.
The key to maintaining a relationship with someone with BPD is to find ways to cope with these cycles and to encourage your BPD partner to get professional help to reduce these cycles. Sometimes partners in BPD relationships are helped by couples therapy.
In addition to couples therapy, for the person with BPD, there are therapies that have been shown to be effective in terms of helping with relationships:. Many issues may arise when a BPD relationship is ending. Because people with BPD have an intense fear of abandonment, a breakup can leave them feeling absolutely desperate and devastated.
Even if a relationship is unhealthy, a person with BPD can often have trouble letting the relationship go. This is particularly true of long-term partnerships or marriages.
This is why it's a good idea to have a support network for you and partner, especially if a break-up may occur, and this network often includes a mental health professional.
On a positive and final note, please remember that the prognosis for BPD is good. This means that while most people with BPD do experience residual symptoms even after time and treatment, in the long term there is often hope that your relationship with your loved one can work. Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life. Psychological therapies for people with borderline personality disorder. Cochrane Database Syst Rev. Childhood sexual abuse in adult patients with borderline personality disorder.
Ind Psychiatry J. J Pers Disord. Pregnancies, abortions, and births among women with and without borderline personality disorder. Womens Health Issues. Sexual behavior in borderline personality: a review. Innov Clin Neurosci. Borderline personality disorder. National Institute of Mental Health. Yeomans F, Levy K. Elsevier Health Sciences.
Olabi B, Hall J. Borderline personality disorder: current drug treatments and future prospects. Ther Adv Chronic Dis. Borderline personality disorder symptoms and newlyweds' observed communication, partner characteristics, and longitudinal marital outcomes. J Abnorm Psychol. More in BPD. Entering a Relationship. Making a Relationship Last. Managing a Relationship. Breaking Up. View All. Was this page helpful?
Thanks for your feedback! Sign Up. What are your concerns? Article Sources. Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. American Psychiatric Association.
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Illnesses, J Sex Marital Ther. Social Networks in Borderline Personality Disorder. Edel, M.
Helping Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
People with borderline personality disorder BPD tend to have major difficulties with relationships, especially with those closest to them. Their wild mood swings, angry outbursts, chronic abandonment fears, and impulsive and irrational behaviors can leave loved ones feeling helpless, abused, and off balance. Partners and family members of people with BPD often describe the relationship as an emotional roller coaster with no end in sight. But you have more power than you think.
Few things are more intoxicating than a partner who is brimming with infatuation, or more inexplicable than to watch this same person become resentful and start disengaging for no apparent reason. In a relationship with a person suffering with the traits of Borderline Personality Disorder BPD these extreme highs and lows are commonplace. Your partner may emotionally discard you or become abusive and leave you to feel confused and broken-hearted. Or you may have invested yourself in the relationship and all the latest communication and relationship tools and now feel the relationship has continued to erode and you have no more to give.
How to Cope When a Partner or Spouse Has Borderline Personality Disorder
Paddy is in love. There are times [when our relationship] has plummeted to the depths whereby we were both ready to give up. A flicker of joy and recognition. The person they knew and love is still there, somewhere deep down inside. Those moments are what the person longs for. Still, to Paddy, it is worth it. But it is nowhere near as hard as being the one with BPD. My girlfriend is not a burden, her BPD is. For most, it may hold little that feels inspirational. Hearing someone else share your struggles and negotiate the realities of the illness can be both comforting and illuminating.
Romantic Relationships Involving People With BPD
This article is for survivors of a relationship that's had toxic consequences for them. It is not intended for anyone with BPD traits! If you suspect you have borderline personality features, what follows could feel injurious to you! Please leave this site immediately and seek alternative web content that may be more congruent with your personal views and needs. Thank you!
What You Need to Know When Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder